She's been meaning to come here and do this for a while, now. Ever since she and Angel talked about the goddesses back on that horrible ship. But one thing after another kept her from finding the time until now.
She's been crying.
The offering she brings is simply a very nice rock, a smooth black dotted with specks of white that feels good in her hand. She kneels down at the altar, hair down but hood up, and fiddles with something in her lap as she starts to talk.
"Hi. Um. I-I don't... I don't really know what I'm doing? The Gods in my world have been gone a very long time and I don't think they were ever very kind gods in the first place. Even if I do apparently carry power from one of them." Silver Eyes are almost certainly a boon from the God of Light, passed down through generation upon generation with no real knowledge of its roots. "But Angel said that you're a lot nicer. And... I-I don't know. I guess I just thought I should try talking to you. I know you can't really talk back, but that's okay. I used to talk to my mom all the time and she's been dead since I was just a little girl."
She breathes, slowly in and out. Runs her fingers over the cool metal trinket in her lap to sooth the frayed edges of her nerves.
"...I'm so— tired. I-I didn't even know it was possible to be this tired all the time. I'm trying to get better but I-I still don't feel like myself. The only part of me that feels the way it always did is the grief. But I used to love stories, and making things, and fighting and— and it's not like I don't like those things anymore, but it's like the spark has been snuffed out. Every time I try to read I get frustrated because even if I like the book it doesn't feel the same. I spend all day smithing but it doesn't. Feel. The way it's supposed to."
"And I know it's my fault. I tried to unmake myself into someone else. Maybe this is— maybe this is just the consequences. But I want it back. I want— to feel like I used to, again. I-I want to want to be Ruby Rose. I-I just don't know how to fix it. How to fix me."
Her face scrunches up in an attempt to hold back tears welling in her eyes. She breathes slowly again, in and out, inhale, exhale. Her mind is drawn back to the strange figure of the Blacksmith that haunted her through the Ever After, before she shakes the thought away. Shakes all thoughts away.
(Are you lost? she'd asked. Yes. Gods, yes, she's lost.)
"...I'm sorry. I-I don't know what I'm asking for. If— if I'm even asking for anything." But she needed to say it, she thinks. Regardless.
Ruby will sit there for a while to compose herself before she's ready to pull herself back to her feet and leave.
sometime after the starrs disappear
She's been meaning to come here and do this for a while, now. Ever since she and Angel talked about the goddesses back on that horrible ship. But one thing after another kept her from finding the time until now.
She's been crying.
The offering she brings is simply a very nice rock, a smooth black dotted with specks of white that feels good in her hand. She kneels down at the altar, hair down but hood up, and fiddles with something in her lap as she starts to talk.
"Hi. Um. I-I don't... I don't really know what I'm doing? The Gods in my world have been gone a very long time and I don't think they were ever very kind gods in the first place. Even if I do apparently carry power from one of them." Silver Eyes are almost certainly a boon from the God of Light, passed down through generation upon generation with no real knowledge of its roots. "But Angel said that you're a lot nicer. And... I-I don't know. I guess I just thought I should try talking to you. I know you can't really talk back, but that's okay. I used to talk to my mom all the time and she's been dead since I was just a little girl."
She breathes, slowly in and out. Runs her fingers over the cool metal trinket in her lap to sooth the frayed edges of her nerves.
"...I'm so— tired. I-I didn't even know it was possible to be this tired all the time. I'm trying to get better but I-I still don't feel like myself. The only part of me that feels the way it always did is the grief. But I used to love stories, and making things, and fighting and— and it's not like I don't like those things anymore, but it's like the spark has been snuffed out. Every time I try to read I get frustrated because even if I like the book it doesn't feel the same. I spend all day smithing but it doesn't. Feel. The way it's supposed to."
She grips the trinket so tight her knuckles pale.
"And I know it's my fault. I tried to unmake myself into someone else. Maybe this is— maybe this is just the consequences. But I want it back. I want— to feel like I used to, again. I-I want to want to be Ruby Rose. I-I just don't know how to fix it. How to fix me."
Her face scrunches up in an attempt to hold back tears welling in her eyes. She breathes slowly again, in and out, inhale, exhale. Her mind is drawn back to the strange figure of the Blacksmith that haunted her through the Ever After, before she shakes the thought away. Shakes all thoughts away.
(Are you lost? she'd asked. Yes. Gods, yes, she's lost.)
"...I'm sorry. I-I don't know what I'm asking for. If— if I'm even asking for anything." But she needed to say it, she thinks. Regardless.
Ruby will sit there for a while to compose herself before she's ready to pull herself back to her feet and leave.